Putting your health first: How leaving University aided my recovery

 Naomi tells us about how making the decision to leave University helped her recovery.

-Naomi Harding

This is the story of how I faced my demons and left University to give myself time for recovery. I hope that by telling my story, it will encourage anyone suffering in silence to make the first step in helping themselves. Being nice to yourself can be challenging but I’ve found that the more you try, the easier it gets.

My difficulties started near the end of my second year at university in London. I didn’t feel like my case was bad enough to qualify for counselling, I thought they would wonder why I was there. I thought I should be able to manage everything on my own, and certainly didn’t want to go dredging up a past I had successfully put behind me (or so I thought). Needless to say, I thought wrong. I needed the help very much. I sought help from my university counselling service, which was very supportive and helped me finish the year. It was a big step to overcome, but I really benefited from my first counselling experience.

Then it was summer, and although that had its own challenges, I assumed my mental health would be better by the beginning of third year. When I moved back into my flat in London for the start of term, I still wasn’t any better. I felt anxious on my own but afraid of talking to my friends. I isolated myself, even from my flatmates. Getting back into research for my dissertation was slow, and even when I could concentrate, it was hard to find the motivation or courage to go to the library to work with my classmates.

I ended up spending more and more time at home with my parents as they live just outside London. I gained a lot of strength from the support given by my family. My boyfriend at the time was always on the other end of the phone. He talked me through the scariest times when I was alone. I was reluctant to admit it, but I needed something to change. Eventually, I realised that I didn’t actually have to stay at university, (I wasn’t getting anywhere anyway!) and it was pointless trying to continue. My whole degree was going to be marked on this final year, so the pressure was high. Being so close to the finish line, I worried that taking time out would mean I was giving up, somehow confirming I was weak (that’s depression for you, not the truth!).

I had to face up to the truth that I couldn’t just knuckle down and smash out my final year, I was too unwell. I couldn’t see this at the time but I had to start caring for myself, put my health first and get the support I needed. Once I had made the decision to defer (with a lot of help from my nearest and dearest), a weight was instantly lifted from my shoulders. There were no negative implications for my previous grades or future study, and I was going to give myself some time to recover and regain control of my life. My course leader was fantastically supportive and understanding of my mental health difficulties, and she was with me along each step of the deferral process. Talking to the right people helped me feel confident in my decision and I felt sure deferring was the best thing for me.

Taking time out of university and moving back home to my parents hasn’t been an instant miracle cure, but I haven’t regretted my choice for a second. Living with my parents has been conducive to my recovery, the support and care I’ve received from my family has been immeasurable. Through a combination of countless visits to my GP, CBT therapist, a mindfulness course and daily home yoga practice, I have come a long way in 4 months. There is certainly no direct route to recovery, it’s a winding path, but I’m firmly on it now. I feel confident now that when I’m ready, I can take this opportunity to make a fresh start and look to finish my degree elsewhere. Allowing the time for my recovery has actually given me more time to learn about myself, and discover the infinite opportunities I could take.

So, if I could give any wise words of advice to others in a similar situation to me, it would be to not hurry your degree, put your health first, and take your time.

If you're struggling at University and considering deferring or leaving, there is academic support available. Speaking to your academic tutor, a Students Union representative, welfare tutor or a member of the University's support services can help give you the necessary support throughout the process.

Pursuing a teaching degree from home: How I overcame my anxiety to pursue my dreams

Emily shares her personal experiences and triumphs in choosing to do a degree from home rather than moving away.

-Emily Smale

I have known from a young age that teaching is something that I have wanted to do. However, I struggled with the aspect of attending university. The thought of moving into halls with people I did not know brought on many anxiety attacks. I was content with living in my small hometown with my small group of friends and family. The year before I had set up a youth choir with my best friend, and took on more responsibility at work. I didn’t want to give this up, but I was being constantly plagued by people that my life wouldn’t start until I moved away from home. I didn’t want to disappoint anybody and I so desperately wanted to become a teacher!

I began speaking to a friend of my boyfriends. She told me how she began her training; she started a foundation degree at the college in our hometown, and progressed to Plymouth just for her final year. This sounded perfect and I was so excited that I could get my degree without leaving my home! 

After two years of studying my foundation degree in Early Childhood Studies, third year was looming over our small group and the prospect of having to go to Plymouth. A few of the girls on my course asked me if I wanted to house share with them – but the same anxious thoughts (and physical anxiety effects) stopped me in my tracks. I decided to do the progression route through Flecs (which allowed me to study through Plymouth but do the majority of my studies at home). Little did I know how much I needed other people around me. During the first term of this progression I felt so alone – I was no longer spending all day with my friends at college, and I was now trying to make sense of lectures and dissertation notes on my own at home! This is when I begun to struggle…a lot. Without having a lecturer who I could pull to one side if things were getting tough, or friends who were in the same boat as me resulted in me losing a lot of my confidence.  

I began to feel like I was drowning in pressure from deadlines. I would lie in bed feeling like I was so far behind in my work and worrying about everything I had to get done. There were only a few girls on my course that had progressed with me, and from a distance it looked like they were doing so well. That was, until I decided to reach out, and I messaged my friend. She told me she was feeling the exact same pressure, and after much relief we agreed to meet up as often as we could. Sometimes it was just the two of us and other times, we worked as a larger group. Having people around me and sharing the thoughts and worries I thought I was alone with made it so much easier to get on with. I stopped feeling like I was suffering alone, and I really felt that I could actually get my degree.  

Although this year has been tough (but it’s nearly over!), working with other people has been extremely helpful. I have never regretted my decision to not move away at any point. I still have the university experience (maybe just not as many nights out!) but from my hometown. In September I will begin my PGCE and I couldn’t be prouder of my achievements. Doing a degree is hard enough in itself, let alone tackling the issues of anxiety that can come with it! Voicing my thoughts out loud to somebody who will listen really makes it easier to get through these stressful times! 

The Power of Storytelling: Hannah G's Experience

Hannah Graham (@possiblyvintage), for the blog www.possiblyvintage.com shares her story

Hi I’m Hannah. I live in York with my husband and our cat Oscar. I started my Possibly Vintage blog as a creative outlet and somewhere to share my thoughts and opinions. I post about everything from fitness goals and healthy recipes, to product reviews and caring for your mental health. My little slice of the internet is dedicated to finding happiness in the mundane and enjoying the things we take for granted.

What inspired you to share your story?

When I first got ill I was a young teenager. Out of shame and embarrassment I tried to keep my illness a secret from my classmates and teachers, in fact, anyone who wasn’t a close friend. However, if you’ve experienced severe depression you’ll know that’s really not possible. I learnt the hard way that keeping things hidden isn’t possible and ultimately makes us feel worse about our issues. Since I came to that realisation, I’ve been as open and honest about everything as I can be.

Has telling your story helped you?

I don’t think that anyone but my family, closest friends and husband know the full story in all its detail, and there are some instances where I have completely blocked out all memories, but I believe sharing my experiences has helped me massively. Not only has it allowed me to understand what I have been through, but it also helps me work through ongoing issues and get my thoughts and feelings straight for myself.

Has telling your story helped anyone else?

I can’t say definitively. I would like to think so, in fact I hope so but I have no proof. It has made understanding my illness a lot easier for my husband and close friends – I guess that counts.

What did you find hardest about telling your story?

Nothing. What has happened has happened. I can’t change it and nor would I. It has made me who I am today. I tried hard to keep secrets but had them pried from me before being disowned and judged by everyone except my family and close friends. Since then I have been open about all my experiences when asked.

Do you have any advice to anyone thinking about sharing their story?

I think you’ll be surprised about how therapeutic sharing your story is, and you’ll realise that you’re not alone; there are a lot of people that have been through similar issues and are there to comfort and support you.

Should I tell my employers about my mental health issues?

I have experienced a lot of trepidation about disclosing my mental health issues to my employers and have kept it from them in the past. I have lived with depression for well over 10 years and have managed it very easily (give or take a few serious bouts) which has meant that I haven’t felt the need to notify my employers. Recently I have had a more serious lapse during which I have mentioned my issues to my employer who has been incredibly supportive. In short, I would say you may be surprised by their reaction.

Are you interested in getting involved in The Power of Story Telling Blog series? Please don’t hesitate to get in touch blog@studentminds.org