Summertime Sadness

Natasha writes about how hard the summer holidays can be when term time is over

-Natasha S. 

What happens after all the hard and gruelling work is over? Though I feel relief when all the coursework and exams are finished, I find that term time is the calm before the storm for my mental well being. I get stressed and, yes, I moan during the term, but I do enjoy the routine and hard work of university. When everything is done and completed, I find myself asking “what now?”. The sudden loss of ‘purpose’ takes its toll on me. 

Having to go back home to uncertainty seems to fill me with dread. The next logical step is to find work, however in a tiny town this isn't always an option. During the summer last year, I was lucky enough to get a job, but even then I felt those familiar negative feelings creeping on in. 

Personally, I find the summer holidays are very challenging. I almost seem to experience the reverse of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder)- instead of feeling low in the winter, for me it tends to be worse in the summer. I thought that perhaps I was alone in this respect, but I came across an article shared on Facebook by the Blurt Foundation (which can be found here). This article gave some tips and advice on how to try and deal with the impact of returning home for the holidays. 

Blurt Foundation's article on summer coping tips for students

Here are some of the suggestions that I felt most important to share: 

•Create a routine.

•Have quality you time (do something that involves treating yourself). 

•Have things to look forward to. 

•Keep in touch with others.

•Set goals and keep track of your progress towards them. 

•Vitamin D (get some sun. . . safely!). This could be natural light but having spoken to a GP he suggested that light boxes can be usual as well. 

•Seek support in your local area. 

I thought this article was really helpful. Though the advice is simple on the surface, I thought that having this guidance laid out was actually very beneficial, specifically, their advice that you should make lists and tick off achievements. Looking at their advice I was able to look closely at things I had achieved, as well as things I could work on to help me with my experiences of low mood and help me to adjust to being at home again. As a result, I have really tried to give myself purposeful goals and routine.

Prior to reading that article I had already secured a temporary job, but the article spurred me on to get involved in other things as well. Something for my own personal development rather than just for financial reasons. I have been able to get involved in a challenging, but rewarding volunteering opportunity, which may help me to gain good work experience, as well as help me to look more outwards and to the future, compared to just focusing on the present and inwards (rumination is something I struggle with). I am hoping that getting involved in work and volunteering will help me to stay engaged. Stumbling across the article really helped me to realise that I'm not alone in experiencing this "Summertime Sadness" (shout out to any Lana Del Rey fans), and that there are ways that I can try and support myself. 

Shoutout to any Lana Del Rey fans

In addition to the points made I personally feel that I make a lot of social comparisons. I feel that sometimes you simply need to accept that we can all afford different things and that people all have different opportunities open to them. I feel that rather than feeling bad that you cannot afford ‘X’ or do ‘X’, look at what you can do and make the most of opportunities open to you. Perhaps look into volunteering or ways to develop yourself in ways that are accessible to you (as well as enjoyable). Everybody is different but I do like to try and challenge myself in controlled ways, and maybe this advice will help you to do this too.

Want to find out more about Seasonal Affective Disorder? We had a twitter chat with SADA about tips for students experiencing SAD - take a look here.

Six tips to avoid homesickness when you first start University

Sian offers six tips for any new student moving away from home to start their life at university

-Sian O'Brien

You have a place at university. Congratulations! No doubt you are very excited and nervous to start your adventure as an ‘almost adult’. With university comes freedom, which is great, no more having to eat your mums’ cooking, that is mediocre at best, and no more nagging! However, believe it or not, you will probably miss home.

Homesickness is common in students. Here I am going to tell you how I found being at uni for the first time and six tips to help reduce homesickness: 

•Pack things from your room at home; make your room at uni feel more like home. Summer is over and the car is so full you are sure it won’t start. It wouldn’t have been a genuine first time student experience if you hadn’t had to pull everything out several times to check you packed your toothbrush, phone charger, and that one pair of socks you are convinced are lucky. Once you are sure everything’s there, you are all set to go! But, don’t forget to bring those special items from home. So if that means bringing cushions, bunting or posters you should try to replicate everything you love about your room, at university. 

•Instead of unpacking straight away, go and explore. After arriving at halls, you may feel very nervous (I did), mainly because you knew that very soon you would be alone. Leave the unpacking for later when you’re by yourself; it will stop you over thinking! You could instead find the nearest shop, and work out how long it takes to get to uni with your parents.

•Say goodbye properly. You have explored the city, and know it takes exactly 12 and a half minutes to get to uni, but now your parents have said they want to go home. I know it is embarrassing, but give your mum and dad a hug. Trust me you’ll need it, because as soon as you see the car pull away there is a high chance you will cry. I did and so did some of my flatmates, but if you do, don’t worry- they are only a phone call away.

•MAKE FRIENDS! Your parents have gone, and you have said ‘hi’ very nervously to someone down the corridor. It’s awkward meeting people for the first time, but honestly, everyone’s friendly, so make lots of friends. You may never talk to some of them again, but by making friends, you will soon find the right group of people for you! Don’t worry if you don’t fit in straight away. You will be surprised how diverse the student population is, there will always be someone for you! You’ll soon find you aren’t the only one who has a weird obsession over the lead singer of that band, you were convinced no one has ever heard of.

•Get involved with uni life! If that means joining a club or going out and meeting people in the Students Union, getting involved can distract you from feeling homesick. On the first day I arrived at uni, I went to a taster session for rugby. I loved it, and the girls were so nice and supportive! So, if you are really into football, films, or Indy bands, there will be a club or society for you, filled with likeminded people. 

•Finally, regularly contact your parents and friends. I ring my parents every Sunday and regularly call my friends. This is a great way to keep up to date with family affairs, gossip, and make sure that your beloved pet goldfish ‘bubbles’ hasn’t  been eaten by the cat. Whatever your relationship is with your parents, siblings, and friends, it is important to let them know how you are doing even if it’s just a short 5-minute conversation or a quick text, it helps to keep your homesickness away.

Getting ready to go to uni? Find out more tips about getting started with our Starting University guide.

A new chapter in life; how to deal with graduate anxiety

Lottie discusses her experience upon graduating from university and the advice she has received. 

- Lottie Naughton

When I received my exam mark for the last exam I would ever have to sit, I was ecstatic. I had out done myself; my best mark had been awarded to me in an exam I was so sure I had failed. I jumped around my room so happy and so thrilled. All of my hard work had paid off! Four years of my academic life were successful and worthwhile. I was proud of myself, for the first time in a very long time.

However, my anxiety did not let me dwell on these feelings for long. In fact, only a day later I found myself worrying. My friends were sharing news of new jobs and careers, further study or travel plans. I had nothing. I was alone, back at home. It was starting to sink in that I had nothing lined up for the rest of my life! No plans, no job, no money. I was back in my childhood bedroom, in my pyjamas at 1pm in the middle of a working week, with half a CV and no idea what to do with my life.

I tried to keep busy, applying for as many jobs as I could. “Start at the bottom and work your way up” my mum was telling me, “You’ve set yourself apart from others with this degree, you’ll be fine” she kept reminding me. But, as more and more unsuccessful applications were returned to me, I was losing hope fast. I was staying in bed for half the day, not able to get up and face another rejection. I only got up and dressed half an hour or so before my family came home so they wouldn’t suspect anything was wrong. My mum caught me crying in the bathroom one afternoon, and I finally opened up to her. She gave me the pep talk of my life.

She reminded me of so many positive and inspiring things I had done and I am yet to do. She gave me the hard truth, and it was exactly what I needed. I want to share what she said to me, in the hopes anyone facing life after graduation, and is worried about their transition at the moment might also be able to pick themselves up and keep on trucking, just as I have had to:

“Sometimes, the weight of the world can be troubling to someone who has only experienced life in a short span of time. You are in free-fall, falling at the speed of light, so much so you feel as if you are standing still and the world feels like it is passing you by. Feeling hopeless now is normal. Do you really think anyone had their life figured out in their early twenties? You have yet to even know who you are as a person- this is a time of reflection, perseverance and setbacks.

This time in your young life is shaping who you are going to become as an adult. Relish it, be aware of it, and push through it. You can feel a large chapter of your life closing, and can sense that soon you are going to have to turn the page to a whole new chapter, a new experience, a scary and mysterious path. You are grieving for your academic life, your care free and younger self. Do you not see? This is a good thing! This is you finally becoming who you are meant to be.

You are aware of what you are leaving behind, and you are frightened of what is yet to come. This is not a rare and unique experience. We all must face it and we all get through it. Keep pushing on, keep striving for more, keep expecting and hoping for more- your ambition and your will are growing stronger with every application you make, unsuccessful or not. It is teaching you something. Don’t ignore the lesson. You are going to be okay. Your success is not measured by comparing yourself to others. It will be measured in your adult life- in how you deal with this turning page. “

I am still frightened and worried about my future, but now, I am aware of what this is teaching me. I am pushing through my anxious feelings and I am relishing on my successful academic life that I am moving on from. Remember that life is a long journey; remember to always put it into perspective. 

The importance of accepting and supporting others through their mental health

In this blog post, Sophie talks about her experiences of recovering from anorexia and how that informed her about not only personal acceptance, but what it means to be understood by others. 

-Sophie Rees

Accepting that you have a mental illness is a hard thing to come to terms with. Not only are you faced with the habits and problems that your illness has caused, but you also face trying to be understood by others around you. Going through recovery is a long process of thought and emotions as you begin to regroup back into the world around you, and it can be difficult to try and fit back in at first.

When I was beginning my recovery stage from anorexia and started studying my A levels at sixth form, I began to feel slightly lost during my daily routine around school. The previous two years during my GCSE’s were my loneliest because of my eating disorder. I’d spend my shorter break times between lessons standing around a group of people who some of my classmates were friends with, and I wouldn’t say a word to anyone unless they spoke to me first. At lunchtimes I would more often or not spend the hour on my own to eat such small amounts of food, whilst my friends would leave school to go and get takeaway foods for lunch. I spaced myself out from the environment around me because I was scared my own friends would judge me for having an eating disorder. Two years later, I found out that this wasn’t the case at all. Turns out that not only my friends I sat next to in class were concerned and wanted to help me get through my eating disorder, but also the people in my year wanted to help too.

When I entered sixth form, I realised that in order for others to help me, I had to let them and also try to help myself out too. It may sound so simple, but even just being acknowledged and being asked how I was by people I didn’t normally talk to so much, made me feel much better about choosing to recover. Those people probably don’t even realise that they made a huge difference to my recovery stage, but they did, and so I am grateful for their kind words and accepting attitude towards my illness.

It’s always reassuring to know that there are people who won’t judge you for having a mental illness, so value them, and never forget to say thanks.

Internal constraints can be just as hard to conquer as external ones

Alice discusses the reasons we need to have more understanding of the internal barriers that people face

-Alice McMahon

There are many barriers that can make it harder for people to achieve their dreams. Sometimes the barriers are visible: a lack of money, for example, or a physical disability or illness, or even being the wrong gender or the wrong race. Sometimes it’s not having the right grades - or being born in a country where opportunities are limited. All these constraints are to some extent outside of ourselves, external and quantifiable, and so, in general, we’re more likely to meet with a measure of understanding.

But what about when the constraints are internal? What about when we have everything in front of us, laid out on a plate and we walk away, unable to take a chance because of our own fears and inner demons? Well, then - that’s different. Something must be wrong with you. You’re the one who’s responsible- you’re the one at fault. 

This kind of language betrays a lack of understanding of the internal barriers which keep many of us from achieving our true potential. These barriers can be just as potent as external barriers and sometimes even harder to fight.

To take one example, I remember the terror and dread of piano exams when I was at school. When I was alone, I could play the pieces perfectly well. But as many people find out when they’re being watched, playing in front of an audience was a whole different matter - my heart would start pumping and my hands would shake so hard that I couldn’t place them on the keys. Just do it! People would say. It’s all in your head, forget about the examiner, of course you can do it, they would insist. But - at least at that point in my life - I simply couldn’t. It didn’t matter how many motivational talks my teacher made to me, or how hard or how many times I tried - I just couldn’t wish my nerves away. At that point, I could no more play than as if my hands had been broken and wrapped in bandages. And I felt like a failure for it. 

Many other people suffer similar internal barriers, mild or severe. It might be social anxiety or depression. It might be fear of interviews or fear of flying. It might be fear of failure. It might be fear of letting family or friends down. It’s time to start accepting that these barriers are real - we might not be able to see them, but for those who suffer from them they can feel just as intractable as a steel fence. This is not to say we should passively accept these barriers or think they can never change. Just as broken bones can heal, over the years I managed to overcome my performance anxiety. But people who suffer from internal psychological barriers have the dual burden of being told they can just ‘get over it’. You wouldn’t tell someone to ‘get over’ a broken leg, would you? 

The next time a friend says to you that they ‘just can’t’ do something - whether it’s going on a date or having the courage to go to an audition, don’t minimise it or tell them off for being silly. Don’t blame them. Reassure them, give them a hug - tell them that whatever they choose to do, you’ll still be there for them. Ask what you can do to support them or if they think anything would help them to feel better. Don’t tell, listen - and you might even learn something yourself. 

- Alice is a recent graduate of Oxford University

Distinguishing the self from depression: how the imagination can help restrictive mentality

Gareth writes about how he used his imagination to free himself of the mental restrictions that come with depression.

- Gareth

When I was growing up, I had an imaginary friend called Felix. He was a woodpecker, and would fly alongside the car on long journeys. I think he represented a part of me that wanted to be roaming free and zooming around rather than being cooped up in a hot car; I put an aspect of myself into this imaginary character. Recently I watched this video by Niall Breslin (He’s a big inspiration to me, which all kicked off from that video) where he does a similar thing with his anxiety, anthropomorphising it into ‘Jeffery’. I’m always keen to try new things to help with my depression, so I thought I’d give it a go too!

That’s how Marley, my depression monster, came to be. He’s named Marley after Scrooge’s partner in A Christmas Carol, or rather the muppet version; in the Marley Brothers’ song they are bound and tormented by heavy, restrictive chains, and that’s how I see my depression. Not as chains, really, but as a heavy duvet. It’s easy to sink into, and feels like a comfort at times, but really it weighs down all your thoughts and movements making everything a struggle. That’s how it is for me, so Marley the Duvet Monster was born.

I have found it really helpful to have the concept of Marley in my mind. On days where I’m trying to persuade myself to get out of bed (which is one of Marley’s main goals, as firstly, In bed I’m trapped with my thoughts and feelings, they spiral out of control and secondly, he’s a duvet). I find it much easier to say ‘that’s what Marley wants, don’t give in to him’ than saying ‘you want this because you’re feeling low today, try not to though yeah?’ Sometimes I’ll be functional but not completely ok, and I find it easier to think ‘Marley’s here but just sitting waiting in the corner, I’ll be fine if he stays there’ than ‘I thought I was feeling ok today but I can feel the depression creeping in’. In both cases, having the depression be represented by a third party, even an imaginary one, rather than just some part of myself makes fighting back feel easier. 

I’m always reminded of Spider Jerusalem in Transmetropolitan saying ‘I liked you better when you had a face I could hit’ to a friend of his who is now a cloud of nanobots, but for me it’s the other way round; giving the depression some kind of avatar, one that I can hit (metaphorically) rather than a shapeless cloud makes it easier to act against. In the video, Bressie’s Jeffrey has a phobia of water, so he threw him in the sea by signing up for swimming races, which is how I often try to see things too. Marley wants me to hide away in my room and not see my friends, so I’m going down to the beach with them because Marley will hate it. Marley thinks I’m not good enough for my PhD so I’m going to knock out the best thesis you’ve ever seen so he feels stupid for doubting me.

More than anything, differentiating between myself and Marley helps divide thoughts, feelings and actions up into the two camps of ‘what Marley wants’ and ‘what Gareth wants’. Depression is filled with shades of grey so organising that a little into more of a ‘black and white’ type picture helps me be myself and the stronger person I am.

For more information on finding support for issues like depression and anxiety, click here.
Visit Students Against Depression to learn more about student depression and where you can get support.

Talking to People About Their Mental Health

Laura talks about some of her experiences when talking to friends about her mental health, and how we can all learn from them to help others.

- Laura 

I’ve always had a policy of being entirely frank and open about my mental illness with my flatmates and my friends. I think it makes it easier for them to understand when I’m having a not-so-great day, and I don’t believe mental health should be something that people hide and are ashamed of. However, through being quite open and honest about my good days, bad days and the treatment that I’m going through, I’ve encountered a couple of things that aren’t very helpful for people with mental health issues.

1.   Giving Their (Non-Medical) Advice For Treatment:

I appreciate that you’re interested enough in me to ask about how my treatment is going, and whether things are working out for me, as it’s really nice and I do find it helpful to talk through things, but please don’t tell me whether or not I should be taking medication. With all due respect, the etiquette with conspiracy theories tends to be don’t mention them unless you’re asked, and I am confident that between my doctor and myself we can figure out any problems. Additionally, asking me about my worries about medication is probably not an excellent strategy for someone with an anxiety disorder.

2.   Suggesting That Lifestyle Changes, Such As Going To The Gym Or Eating Better, Will Fix It:

Again, I appreciate your concern and interest, but doing more exercise and eating better will not make my medically diagnosed illness go away. They’re definitely useful strategies for helping with some of the symptoms of my illness, but they’re not cures or fix-alls. A lot of people like to couple my first point along with this point, which I think is ridiculous. Someone with tonsillitis might have their recovery aided by eating more fresh fruit and vegetables, but getting your five-a-day isn’t going to make it go away, and mental illness should be no different.

3.   Telling Me That I Should Appreciate What I Have, Because Other People Have It Worse:

This one is pretty obvious, but I still hear it from time to time. Just because I have a chemical imbalance in my brain that makes me feel ‘depressed’, doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate what I have. On the contrary, I’m painfully aware that I am more privileged than most people in the world: I am educated, live in the global north and a democratic society; and often knowing that there are literally billions of people who are worse off makes me feel worse. I know there are people worse off than me, but it doesn’t mean that sometimes I don’t feel bad too.

I could go on, but I think you get the picture. Most of these things are said out of a desire to make me feel better and help me, and I don’t write this with any real anger directed towards the people I know that do this. It’s just that the more we talk to people about how to talk about mental health issues, then the more that the stigma around them is reduced. And that can’t be a bad thing.

For more advice on how to help someone experiencing a mental illness click here to find out more about our "Look After Your Mate" campaign.