The importance of accepting and supporting others through their mental health

In this blog post, Sophie talks about her experiences of recovering from anorexia and how that informed her about not only personal acceptance, but what it means to be understood by others. 

-Sophie Rees

Accepting that you have a mental illness is a hard thing to come to terms with. Not only are you faced with the habits and problems that your illness has caused, but you also face trying to be understood by others around you. Going through recovery is a long process of thought and emotions as you begin to regroup back into the world around you, and it can be difficult to try and fit back in at first.

When I was beginning my recovery stage from anorexia and started studying my A levels at sixth form, I began to feel slightly lost during my daily routine around school. The previous two years during my GCSE’s were my loneliest because of my eating disorder. I’d spend my shorter break times between lessons standing around a group of people who some of my classmates were friends with, and I wouldn’t say a word to anyone unless they spoke to me first. At lunchtimes I would more often or not spend the hour on my own to eat such small amounts of food, whilst my friends would leave school to go and get takeaway foods for lunch. I spaced myself out from the environment around me because I was scared my own friends would judge me for having an eating disorder. Two years later, I found out that this wasn’t the case at all. Turns out that not only my friends I sat next to in class were concerned and wanted to help me get through my eating disorder, but also the people in my year wanted to help too.

When I entered sixth form, I realised that in order for others to help me, I had to let them and also try to help myself out too. It may sound so simple, but even just being acknowledged and being asked how I was by people I didn’t normally talk to so much, made me feel much better about choosing to recover. Those people probably don’t even realise that they made a huge difference to my recovery stage, but they did, and so I am grateful for their kind words and accepting attitude towards my illness.

It’s always reassuring to know that there are people who won’t judge you for having a mental illness, so value them, and never forget to say thanks.

MHAW: My relationship with me

In aid of this year's Mental Health Awareness Week (16th-22nd May), Sophie writes about her experiences of Orthorexia and what that taught her about the relationship between mental health and the self.

-Sophie Cockeram 

When I found out that the theme for Mental Health Awareness Week 2016 was ‘relationships’, I felt that it was something that I couldn’t write about. My family and friends are incredibly supportive and I’ve never been in involved in anything abusive romantically. But then I started thinking about the relationship I have with myself, and how that relationship has caused me to suffer with my mental health and self-worth. I started struggling with depression at the age of about fifteen or sixteen, so this is something I am able to manage and monitor. However, in my second year of university, I experienced something other than that. And that ‘other’ was in the form of an extensive battle with disordered eating.

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when this began: I generally say that it started in May 2014, as I lost quite a lot of weight in a very short space of time by eating very little and over-exercising. Once I’d shed a few pounds, I had the bug- nothing was going to stop me getting the body of my dreams. Then, in the following September, a messy break up with my long-term boyfriend led to my self-worth and confidence plummeting. I started on the Protein World ‘Slender Blend’ meal replacement plan, which turned out to be the worst, and most dangerous, thing that I could’ve done. I developed Orthorexia, which fed into bulimia and binge eating.

The funny (or very unfunny) thing is, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing to myself. I thought that it was normal to come home from eating something ‘bad’ and do hundreds of exercises in my room to try and burn off the calories. I thought that having protein shakes was great, because protein’s what makes you lean, right?? Wrong. I was harming my body beyond belief, blinded by seeing the number on the scales drop, and basically starving myself. Despite thinking and worrying about food all the time, I was living off little more than 700 calories a day. It’s very difficult to explain exactly the way I was feeling to someone that’s been lucky enough not to experience an eating disorder. I was utterly fixated by everything I was consuming, constantlyresearching ways to lose weight faster, foreverstaring at my body in the mirror and despising every little thing that I saw. There were no good bits, there was no ‘oh, my arms look alright today’, there was nothing. Nothing but this shroud of negativity, so powerful that it was pushing both my brain and body to their breaking point.

Nearly two years have passed since the beginnings of my eating disorders, and it’s still something that I struggle with. I’m a million times better than I used to be, but in extremely stressful situations, I find that it’s very easy to slip back into my old habits, as food sometimes feels like the only thing I have control over. I urge anyone that has even the slightest feeling they may have a problem with their relationship towards food or their body image to seek some help. Tell a friend, family member, support officer at school or university. I think that there is a common misconception with eating disorders, in that we often picture someone that has an almost skeletal figure. I did not look like that (in fact, I got quite a lot of compliments from people telling me how great I looked for losing weight!), but that doesn’t mean that I was in any way healthy. Admitting that I had/have a problem and talking about it with other people (or writing it all down on my blog) has helped me a huge deal.

‘The most important relationship that you’ll ever have is with yourself’ is something that’s said a lot, but is far too easily forgotten. Treat yourself nicely, respect yourself and give yourself the love that you’d give everyone else you care about. You are what matters, and your relationship with your body should be happy and healthy.

Taking Control – Adapting to lifestyle change for a better well-being

Rhiannon writes about her year abroad studying and how she adapted to her new environment to control her eating disorder for the better.

- Rhiannon Long

As my six sessions of university-provided counselling sessions came to an end, I remember feeling nervous. I’d made so much progress during them, and felt I understood my eating difficulties so much better because of these sessions- but how would I cope without them? They were my weekly way of talking through my worries and gaining reassurance. I felt like I was heading back out into the unknown, without my safety net.

The sessions finished as the revision period for my summer exams began. Whilst this period for many can be particularly stressful and triggering, for me it provided structure. Unlike during the rest of the uni term, I was getting up early, going to the library all day with friends, and generally living an organised lifestyle. This was beneficial to my recovery; it gave me guidance for proper mealtimes, and company when I needed it most. I had set times every day for meditation and meals. Whilst this isn’t a long-term solution, for someone just setting out onto the path of recovery, this basic level of structure is exactly what I needed.

But as this period came to an end, and my exams were taken and university finished for the year, something new was on my horizon. My year abroad. All my friends were discussing the excitement of moving away for their time abroad, whilst for me, the nerves returned. Again, I was faced with the unknown, and my lifestyle of careful structure seemed in jeopardy. 

Once I moved, I felt caught between two emotions. On the one hand, I loved the new experiences and culture of my everyday life. But at the same time, I increasingly found myself in situations where my environment was harder to control. Friends were inviting me out for dinner spontaneously, meaning my food choices were out of my hands; my colleagues would suggest after work drinks, so I was unable to do my planned meditation for that night. I was adamant not to refuse social activities as I knew I would only be in Germany for a year, and I didn’t want my disorder dictating what kind of year that would be.

My year abroad has taught me many things- about myself, about another culture, about my language skills. But the most valuable lesson I’ve learnt is the one about control. My life this year has progressed unlike any previous years; I’ve been out of a school/university environment, out of that solid structure of education, and there are more factors which I can’t control. My internship as a journalist means I might not know in advance where I’ll be each day of the week, what time I’ll get home or when I’ll be free to exercise or meditate. There’s less of a stable environment that I can plan with a timetable. 

But whilst this may have scared the previous me; the me who was fresh out of counselling and still frightened of my illness, now I face this fact without fear, but with relish.

If my disorder had its way, I would constantly be isolated, scared of the outside world and these factors beyond my control. Unfortunately for my disorder, that’s what life is - uncontrollable factors. And the sooner I learnt that, the sooner I embraced them. Because they are what make life exciting.

Now if a colleague invites me out for sushi at the end of a long day at work, I don’t panic and think of the calories I’ll consume or the jogging session I’ll miss. I look forward to the chance to make a new friend, eat some good food, and have a whine about our impossible boss.

For more information on finding support, click here.

For more information on eating disorders, click here.

For more information on studying abroad, click here.