MHAW: Bipolar in Love, Navigating a Relationship While Living with a Mood Disorder

Bethany shares her experience of dealing with bipolar disorder whilst holding a relationship together.

- Bethany Lipka

My relationships have always been tumultuous, and an on-again, off-again pattern has defined almost every relationship I've had since I started dating at age 14. 

When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (type 2) at age 24, this dating pattern suddenly made a lot of sense. Looking back, I could clearly see that hypomanic-me was capable of being happily in love, while depressed-me projected all of my negative self-perceptions onto my partner. “You don’t really love me”, “you think I’m stupid”, “just leave”, are all things I have said to people who absolutely did love me, who thought I was smart and funny, and who wanted to be with me. 

So after my diagnosis I felt relieved that I had finally identified this disordered pattern of thinking and behavior, so that I could prevent it in the future. I was in a relationship at the time (of the off, then on-again variety), and I thought that I finally had the information I needed to make sure things stayed stable. No more relationship drama, problem solved!

Easier said than done. 

I found myself falling into old habits pretty quickly. A decade-long pattern is hard to break. It’s been three years now since my diagnosis, and breaking this pattern is still something I work on every day. I constantly combat the lies that my own brain tells me about my self-worth (namely, the lack thereof). And I have to be critical of every emotional perception that I have, to determine whether it’s rooted in reality, or illness. It is challenging. It is a lot of work. But it has paid off. 

The same partner that I was with at the time I was diagnosed is now my wife. Over years, we’ve developed a pretty good system of weathering my many ups and downs. I have three tips from our experiences that may come in handy if you are in a relationship and you – or your partner – are living with a mood disorder: 

1) Talk. Talk a lot. If you are feeling low and don’t feel like talking: leave notes, send texts, write emails. But keep the lines of communication open. When your mood state (our your partner’s) is an ever-shifting thing, you need to keep your partner posted on how you are doing. No one is a mind reader. 

2) Arguments are rarely about what they’re about. This is true in all relationships, but especially for couples where someone struggles with mood variability. Sometimes “this” is really about “that”. Sometimes “I’m mad you forgot to take the garbage out” is really about “I haven’t slept in three days and my anxiety is so bad that I feel like I’m falling out of an airplane”. Try to discern the difference, and get to the root of things. 

3) Practice self-care. This advice is particularly important for the partner of someone living with a mood disorder. You are often thrown into the caregiver role, and being a caregiver can be exhausting. Take time to reboot, whatever that means for you (exercise, a good book, a long bath). You can’t run on empty, and trying to do so will put your own mental health at risk, as well as your relationship.  

Relationships are always hard, and if you are living with a mood disorder they are even harder. But having a person to help you navigate life with your illness can be one of the best possible things for your mental health, making it well worth the effort. 

For more information on finding support click here.

For more information on supporting a friend or a partner click here.

MHAW: Relationships in Mental Health – The Relationship With Yourself

Leah writes about how sometimes the most important relationship you can have is the one with yourself

-Leah Fuller

The focus of this week’s Mental Health Awareness Week is relationships, and I know that other blog posts have already touched upon friendships as a great support network if you are struggling with mental health issues. Personally, I wanted to touch on a relationship that many of us forget we have – the one with ourselves. 

Mental health issues can be a very isolating experience, especially when we think we are fighting it alone or that no-one else understands how we feel. Other relationships in our lives, be that with parents, partners, friends, or teachers are unquestionably important. However, having a relationship with yourself is undeniably even more significant throughout life. If we cannot start to believe in ourselves, like ourselves, or care for ourselves, the battle to recovery feels even more of an uphill climb. 

So, with that in mind, here are three things I personally believe you can do to improve both your relationship with yourself and your mental health:

Believe in yourself

Struggling with my own mental health, I have often thought ‘I can't do this’, ‘I'm a failure’, or ‘I'm not good enough’, as I’m sure many people can relate to. But the more we say these negative phrases the more we believe they are true. In reality, and you’ll have to trust me here, they are 100% NOT true for anyone. Believing in yourself is no easy feat, but one way to start is to tackle those thoughts by changing them to positives such as ‘I can’ and ‘I will’. The more you say them, the more you will start to believe in yourself. 

Take care of yourself

Again this is no easy task, sometimes when we’re feeling rubbish all we want to do is curl up in our duvet and hide away, but in doing this we forget to look after ourselves. It is so important to make sure you take time to eat properly, get a good amount of sleep, and do some exercise - as the saying goes healthy body, healthy mind. The best way I have found to make sure I do this is to plan my day with a to-do list including these tasks, and ticking each one as I go. This helps to acknowledge that you have both achieved things in the day and are looking after yourself. Once you’re into a routine, it’s much easier to take care of yourself. 

Make time for yourself

All too often we are too busy working towards the next deadline to make time for ourselves, to do the things we like, that bring us happiness and help us to relax. To improve your relationship with your mind, make sure you take time out, whether that’s to read a book, watch your favourite TV show, or just walk round the block. Getting some head space can really improve your outlook and do wonders for your mental health. 

Try hard this week to build a better relationship with yourself. I know it may seem a huge and hard step to take, especially if you feel you're at the bottom, but even if you take it in baby steps it will help you to be and feel happier.